Present Guidelines

I have certain guidelines for people receiving my presents.
Look surprised, even if you're not.
Look delighted, even if you're not.
Hug me and make it look spontaneous. If there is hesitation I question whether you are really appreciative. Or perhaps I don't smell that good. Hug me anyway.
Ask questions about how I knew this is what you wanted. I'll just nod and look wise.
Breaking down in tears is optional, but will get you a headstart toward my next present.
Understand that your reception of my present means I expect you to be there for me during my next panic attack.
Do not comment negatively about my sloppy wrapping.
Hold up my gift so everyone can see, unless it's sort of cheap.
Who defines cheap, anyway?
If it's possible, like with jewelry or a scarf, put it on immediately. In fact, if it's socks put them on too.
Be able to handle the pressure of choosing a future present for me.
Chuckle at my card and read it aloud.
Hug me again.