Tender Mercies

I am feeling especially compassionate this holiday season and decided to offer clemency to all those who got on my nerves this year.
Let's start with women who keep picking lint from my clothes. I enjoy lint; it completes me. Those who correct my pronunciation, who leaves clothes in the communal washer/dryer for hours, who bought my books thinking they were scratch and sniff, who interrupt my expatiating on any subject to remind me they have to get up early for work, who clean out the apple crumb at Dunkin.
I forgive my own body for emitting strange noises on public transportation.
I am determined to pardon all those who begin sentences with...
To be honest
Frankly
In my humble opinion
Let me say first
Before I get to my point
At the risk of offending
As inappropriate as this sounds
Maybe I'm wrong about this
Call me stupid
Be forewarned
I consider you a friend, but
To make a long story short

Finally, I resolve not to lose my temper and use chloroform on anyone this entire holiday.