Crush

I guess you reach a point where you don't get crushes anymore. Maybe it's aging or too much information about a person. Having a crush is synonymous with youth. I had a crush on my high school English teacher, an Audrey Hepburn type, very sophisticated. She married before I graduated, but then got divorced. In my dreams I thought I had a shot as a college student. I imagined waltzing in off the street wearing my Rutgers sweatshirt, escorting her out for coffee right after her last class. I remember she asked for a word to fit a definition she gave and for some reason I piped up with 'subservient'. She was stunned. After that I think she viewed me as being secretly much smarter than I had shown before.
I continued to have crushes on women I barely knew from afar. Celebrities? Barbara Hershey, Tuesday Weld, Sue Lyon, Michelle Phillips, Valerie Bertinelli, Ingrid Bergman, who was middle aged, but she was still Ingrid. Grace Kelly was too intimidating. The young Sally Field with that pert little nose. Others, many others.
Of course, one can't speak of these things with friends. Private crushes are so fragile.
These days I'm embarrassed to admit I sort of have a crush on Lauren Graham.Maybe I just loved her character in Gilmore Girls. I haven't been watching her new show Parenthood, so I guess I'm shallow. I wish there were someone living around me that I see frequently, like in the laundry room, who I might develop a crush on. But would I pursue it? Maybe the aroma of fabric softener would stimulate my sensuality and propel me forward. Or maybe not.
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