Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Murmuring

I find myself murmuring to myself. It started out as a whisper and escalated. Understand, I'm not talking out loud, but my lips are moving. Usually I am carrying out some task while I'm murmuring. Somehow it doesn't seem as quirky if I'm doing something. If I were just standing there carrying on this personal monologue people would notice and move away. Understand, this is not a conversation or any kind of dialogue with an invisible entity. It's me and me alone.
What subjects are covered? Mostly reminders what I must do next, because, you see, my day consists of hundreds of tiny projects, which, if completed successfully, boost my confidence. Example: (soft voice) Okay, now I open the car door and stick out my legs and emerge. Lock door. Put keys in pocket. Put away glasses. Walk to Staples. Make sure I have my wallet. Don't run over the little kid running right at me with no sense of direction.
In this way, I am twittering to myself, providing instantaneous updates about my goals, like purchasing large paper clips in great quantities. It's called controlling one's environment. Seldom has anyone noticed or heard these soft words. I stop immediately if I sense someone looking at me strangely.
Should I unconsciously raise my voice and begin talking out loud, I would probably seek help, an intervention of some sort. Maybe chew a giant wad of tobacco so no sounds emerge. Okay, here I am in the paper clip section...

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