Sunday, December 4, 2011

Shots

Give them the shots, all of them. Keep inoculating kids with every damn anti-whatever in your arsenal. This nonsense about basic shots causing autism has been disproved once and for all. You can't have unprotected kids getting polio or mumps or whooping cough and then passing it on. We have wiped out these horrible diseases because of the brilliant work of Dr. Salk and others.
Sooner or later these men and women will cure hiccups, lazy eye, anal fistulas, halitosis, corns, hernias, stammering and ingrown toenails. These are the real heroes of our time. I HAD chicken pox and it was hell. Same with mumps. Superstition and old wives tales cannot hold back medical science. There will come a time, with the right financing, that excessively wide foreheads and recessive chins will be a thing of the past. There is nothing more humiliating than having someone ask if they can rent ad space on your forehead or mistake your chin for a small onion.
If your kid is afraid of needles lie to him. Tell him each needle will enable him to consume more soft ice cream with sprinkles. However, if your pediatrician dresses up as a clown while filling the syringe, get your kid out of there as fast as possible. There are limits to tough love.

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