My Birthday

April 16 is my birthday. This is what I would like:
A reasonable explanation for Elvis Costello's career.
Someone to drive me to a hot air balloon festival this summer.
Elaborate Ukrainian colored eggs.
More shelf space.
A market for my quirky published stories.
A pet that leaves me alone when I'm non communicative.
Someone to teach me just one recipe.
To learn key words in another language without having to study all of it.
A three piece suit that doesn't make me look like an overweight banker.
A strange park I've never visited.
The meaning of parsley.
A very expensive, yet sturdy back scratch er.
One night of eight straight hours sleep.
To be invited to more barbecues than anyone else.
A cortisone shot where and when I need one.
An attractive woman who finds me funny.
More French fries.
A complete understanding of modern art.
The guts to perform at open mikes.
The wisdom to sense when to buy new underwear.