My name is Det. Ed Chalmers and I broke up the stuffed animal toy cartel. I watched and eventually arrested Allison and Ted Knoberrnecker who were trying to create a monopoly in this market by hoarding imported stuffed toys in their spacious garage. They had no prior record. My disgust was unlimited. I have kids who went to sleep without a stuffed animal to hold. This is why I became a cop. We have to stamp out these vicious toy cartels before any more bloodshed.
Boxes and boxes of illegal contraband. If I told you how many pandas were kept in those cheap cardboard containers you'd vomit on your shoes. It took many months of surveillance. They were good, oh good and careful. Everything was off the books. No paper trail. Bastards wore disguises for the pick ups. A small van with Borges Plumbing on the side. There really is a Borges and he is a licensed plumber. I got him for being an accessory. Fool claims he didn't know it was stuffed animals. Thought it was pizza ingredients. If that were the case I would have shrugged and found something better to do.
But you don't corner the market on stuffed rhesus monkeys while Ed Chalmers runs the show. Not that I was looking for it, but I'm a hero to every kid in town. Except the ones who are allergic to these things. They have my sympathy. Let them hug their pillows. My kids will have a stuffed platypus and aardvark to keep them company tonight. The book deal isn't far off. Not that I'm pursuing anything.
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