Are you kidding me? Someone writes a trilogy beginning with Fifty Shades of Grey, the whole theme of which is domination by a man over a woman. Now it's the hottest thing in publishing. The author is getting filthy rich tapping into women's fantasies of being some guy's sex slave.
Here I am sweating over every manuscript, trying to create a literary masterpiece sure to be included in college curriculum and all this time all I had to do was pour out pages of bondage porn to gain publishing immortality.
As long as I don't have to describe intricate knots I'm home free with this genre. I know women's deepest fantasies. It's not just being tied up, it's being bound while being forced to listen to David Caruso's line readings on CSI Miami. It's being handcuffed while being forced to watch Hoarders and Celebrity Rehab on cable. It's being forced to call your maiden aunts and stay on the phone listening to their bunion stories. It's gazing at photos of a shirtless Jack Black.
It's pap smears administered by ZZ Top. It's being spanked by your linguistics teacher. Wearing too tight penny loafers. Swallowing Aretha Franklin's butt lint. That is 300 pages right off the bat. I'm tired of being a struggling writer. It's time I dug deep and tapped into my intimate knowledge of what submissive women dream about. Humiliation sells. I'll start slow and build. Being ordered about by men with hairy forearms is my prologue. My heroine will curse in three languages. Title? Debasement in the Basement.
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