Before my retirement I envisioned myself spending hours walking in local parks, communing with nature, exercising, taking deep breaths and feeling relaxed.
Well, it hasn't quite worked out that way. I review books for extra money and each has a deadline. So I find myself walking and reading, barely noticing the beautiful flowers around me.
When I use my 3 pound hand weights, invariably other walkers stride past me and I get competitive, especially if it's a woman leaving me behind. I jack up my pace, pump my arms, stick out my chest, only to find myself falling further behind until I become so depressed I quit and go home.
Then there are the annoying squirrels who scramble across my path, noiseless and obsessive. The ducks and geese act regal and indifferent, while photogs snap away at comatose turtles on rocks. Fishermen leave their stinky bait out in the open. Geezers on benches chew their cuds, letting hours waste away while I am multitasking, trying to enjoy every moment of this stinking retirement, surrounded by guys practicing their golf swing and boats going in circles and kids biking and sudden rain and God, how many more of these relaxing walks before I just stroke out in front of the guy mowing the grass?
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