Don't get me wrong, I love the My Panera membership keyring card. The brown, burnt umber, & yellow colors easily make it the classiest looking of my 39 keyring cards. Whenever I use any of them it takes me five minutes to find the right one, while a fuming line forms behind me.
But the other day something unnerving happened. They sent me an e-mail one month before my birthday promising some sort of surprise when it arrives in April. I like surprises as much as anyone. But the possibility this could be a scam or virus entered my mind. If it's legitimate I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm supposed to wait for a followup message. Look, if they send over a woman, I'd be quite pleased. But if it's just a free cookie, I mean, c'mon. Is that all my birthday is worth?
Maybe it's a cross country trip, touring dozens of Panera outlets. I could serve as a quality control guy, pick up a hefty fee. Beyond the Panera situation, it got me thinking. Why haven't my other preferred businesses offered me birthday gifts? Stop& Shop, AC Moore, A&P, Duane Reade, even my gym and my cable owner? In fact, why hasn't my super hinted at getting me a birthday gift? Or you, for that matter. A lovable, witty senior citizen is not easy to come by. Overall appreciation is warranted. If not an actual woman, here's a reminder that they can do amazing lifelike things with latex.
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