Here is how you wait in line in a civilized society.
Stand perfectly still and stare straight ahead. Keep your eyes half closed and meditate. Shower, brush your teeth, use deodorant beforehand. Do not look confused. Do not panic if you think you're on the wrong line. Read the signs around you.
Don't touch yourself in any way that can be misconstrued. Ignore your cell. Don't overfill your basket. If you decided not to use a basket and are dropping things, don't expect anyone to pick them up. Don't kick your basket ahead of you when the line moves.
Don't wave to anyone. Do not burp or pass wind. Don't sweat, glare, whistle, snort, sneeze, pull at your clothing or speculate aloud what Jessica Simpson will name her child.
Please do not sigh in frustration. It will just add to everyone's depression.
If you are on the unemployment line, look grateful you live in a country with safety nets.
If it is a bakery line and you're dying for a scone, ignore all of the above. Do anything you can to get the line moving, including a Richard Simmons impression. We are talking about fresh scones here. To hell with civility.
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