Now they're claiming that huge solar flare fizzled out and barely affected anything. Speak for yourselves. During the period in which that flare entered our atmosphere the following things happened to me:
My penis shrunk a full inch
Small crusty growths appeared on my neck
I could only chew on one side
I forgot the name of my dominatrix
Developed a craving for raw cabbage
Lit matches for no reason
Skipped all the prepositions in the novel I was reading
Decided to purchase a pogo stick
My balls grew in circumference
Sobbed into my Home Goods salad bowl
Mooned a crossing guard
Made a citizen's arrest of a really bad poet
Yodeled deep into the night
Performed a disgusting act with a hand made candle
Briefly thought I was Dame Judy Dench
I'm fine now, really. guess I'm ultra sensitive to atmospheric disturbances. But you knew that, didn't you?
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