Saturday, March 10, 2012

Nine Free Donuts

I am about to collect my ninth free donut from a chain store that I won't reveal because, frankly, I don't want others honing in my territory. All I have to do is fill out a one minute survey and I get a 99 cent donut free and I can choose which ever one I want, even those with icing on top. If you prorate this over an hour it calculates to me receiving $60 worth of free donuts.
This is how we as consumers must strike back at big capitalism. You'd better believe I take extra sugar free packets and napkins and straws while I'm there with my ice coffee. I make sure to use as many public toilets as possible to cut down my water bill.
Very soon I will walk into Elevation Burger and get a free burger because I have my special Burger Card with six punches clipped through. That means for every six burgers I pay for I get one free, and don't think I won't savor every bite. When I get my cup of soda I make sure to include extra ice I can suck on when the soda is finished. These are things you pick up after you retire and have to live on a modest pension. Open one of my drawers and you will see many plastic utensils and crackers from salad bars all over northern NJ. You have to be quick and sneaky, but so much in life is quick and sneaky. Now I'm going to sneak a peek at your blog and see what I can steal without anyone knowing.

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