I have to start renting infants for my Facebook page. My few postings are boring. I have no family photos to share because I have no family. I don't even have a pet. My few relatives are moderately interesting at best. None of my friends want to pose with me. Because of budget constraints, I have visited no exotic locations, not even Nova Scotia. I attend no wild parties, engage in no fighting, am never shirtless in public.
I don't speak hip jargon. Is hip even hip anymore? My clothes are rather bland. It's best people don't know what I look like. In fact, I'm the kind of guy who shouldn't have any social media page anywhere.
I could post pictures of great historical figures I admire, like Adlai Stevenson. Probably I should create a trailer for my book of flash fiction, Twilight People. But then I'd have to come up with witty remarks. I could also post a poem. I'm told I am a decent poet, but you know that from reading my sensitive blogs.
No, the most logical course here is to rent an infant, take loads of cute photos and present the baby as mine. People cannot get enough of baby shots. The comments are always cute and positive. I need that reinforcement. I'm more than willing to let my rented infant hog the spotlight as long as readers credit me with having a rich full life, in contrast to all the childless losers out there. Isn't that the whole point of parents posting these endless photos of baby Bluto all curled up, sucking its thumb?
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